Glitter Parade of Doom!
by Nadine
Summary: Yes, it's even more musical madness from me! In this parody of all movie musicals, the Tallest call everyone in the empire to perform for them in a huge 'talent show'. Unfortunately for them, Zim, Dib, and Tak join in.
1. Being Tall

**Glitter Parade... of Doom!**

* * *

Wow, I'm doing a musical where I'm not borrowing the plot from somewhere else! Well, I'm going to be parodying plot points from most of the movie musicals ever made, so that's not precisely true, but I'll let that slide. Anyway, this should be fun, especially once the story really picks up steam. One side note: since it's basically required, there will be a pseudo-romantic storyline, but I am not using central characters and will try to make it as feasible as possible, with nobody really acting out of character. Anyway, enjoy! 

* * *

_Fade in on the Massive. The Tallest, who are having soda and curly fries, are talking to Tak via a videophone._

Tak: ...wasn't my fault! I should be an Invader! I SHOULD...

Red: Too bad. You'll just have to take your new assignment... Toodles!

Tak: But...

_Red hits a remote control and the screen goes blank._

Red: I always love doing that...

Purple: Hey! These fries are stale!

_Almost instantly, half a dozen Irkens come with plates of fries._

Purple: Uh, never mind... I'm not hungry anymore.

_The Irkens walk away dejectedly. Purple sits on the sofa._

Purple: Being Tallest rocks!

Red: Indeed... every creature in the empire is willing to make a fool of himself just to win our favor...

Purple: And we get candy...

Red: And our subjects listen to anything we say...

Purple: And potato chips...

Red: Even if it makes them look like total morons!

Purple: And sandwiches!

Red: Yup, we really lucked out!

_Music begins to play in the background._

**Tallest!** (http://www.broadwaymidi.com/down/BugsyMalone-BadGuys.mid or http://www.content.loudeye.com/scripts/hurlPNM.exe?/~ttt-600005/0172899_0107_07_0002.ra)  
Both: We could've had any fate in Irk's society,  
We could be shrimpy and small.  
That would be sucky,  
But we both got lucky!  
We became unusually tall!

We could've had any fate in Irk's society,  
But now we rule over all!  
Our reign's been merry,  
And quite arbitrary,  
But we love being Almighty Tallest!

Red: We act just as we please!  
And when we wish for something,  
Everyone tries to appease!  
Both: Tallest!

Purple: Whenever we rule,  
All our subjects follow us,  
Being Tallest is so cool!

Both: We've got an empire at our beck and call!  
We're the very best at being tall!

We could've had any fate in Irk's society;  
We're so glad that we lucked out!  
With little training,  
We got great at reigning!  
For this job, we both fit the bill;  
Since giving orders is our skill!

We could've had any fate in Irk's society,  
We could be shrimpy and small.  
But we're well suited  
To being saluted!  
We're the very best at being tall!  
We're the very best at being tall!  
We're the very best at being tall!  


Red: Hey... this gives me an idea...

_Fade out._


	2. Zim's Amazing Hypnosis Machine

_Fade in on Zim's Lab. Zim and Gir are putting the finishing touches on a machine. Unbeknownst to them, there is a shadowy figure evading their notice._

Zim: Success!

**With My Amazing Hypnosis Machine** (http://www.harrywarren.org/qbin/midi/zxvl1065.mid)  
Zim: My invention's fin'lly been completed!  
And in no time at all,  
I'll make sure that the Earth is defeated!  
I'll see to its fall!  
And with the help of my invention I'll see my plan through;  
Soon the Earth I will pursue!

Each Earthling will behave  
Like Zim's own personal slave  
With my amazing hypnosis machine!  
All will follow the whim  
Of the quite deserving Zim  
With my amazing hypnosis machine!

Invading used to be a challenge when I  
Could not control the brains  
Of filthy humans who would always deny  
The power in my veins!

But now all that will change,  
Once my machine can arrange  
To wipe all of the Earth creatures' minds clean!  
I'll be the greatest conquerer you've ever seen,  
With my amazing hypnosis machine!  
Gir: Hyp-no-sis...  
Zim: With my amazing hypnosis machine!

Each Earth slave will bow down  
And beg me to wear the crown  
With my amazing hypnosis machine!  
I will invade with ease;  
Conquering will be a breeze  
With my amazing hypnosis machine!

Invading used to be a challenge when I  
Could not control the brains  
Of filthy humans who would always deny  
The power in my veins!

Victory is assured,  
And the Earth will be secured  
When I'm done with my hypnosis routine!  
I'll be the greatest conquerer you've ever seen,  
With my amazing hypnosis machine!  
Gir: Hyp-no-sis...  
Zim: With my amazing hypnosis machine!

Zim: Now, Gir, we must test my _incredible_ machine on a set group of human stink-beasts before I subject the whole planet to the mighty power of Zim. I want you to type some names into the machine's database.

Gir: Okee-dokee!

_Gir does nothing._

Zim: Gir, did you hear what I just said?

Gir: Um... uh... whazzat?

_Zim, frustrated, carries Gir over to the console._

Zim: Now, type the following filthy humans into the computer: Ms. Bitters, Zita, that pizza beast...

_As Zim continues speaking and Gir types, we see the shadowy figure stealthily make its way towards Gir._

Zim: ...'popular' girl-creature, Dib...

Mysterious Voice (whispering to Gir): Not Dib...

Gir: But I thought you said Dib!

Zim: Silence, Gir! Obey me...

_Gir shrugs and deletes Dib from the list. Zim continues._

Zim: ...Mary, Old Kid, and, hmm... hmm... that's enough for now. Now, it's time to bring hypnotic doom!

Gir: Yay! Doom!

_Zim pulls the lever and cackles. His cackling is interrupted by a beeping noise. Zim turns on a console, and a recorded message plays._

Announcer: Attention all Irken military and civilian personnel: your exalted leaders, the Almighty Tallest, have announced a talent competition to take place on the planet Broadwaynia in two weeks' time. Whoever creates the performance that pleases the Tallest most is assured of a great reward!

Zim: Gir! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Gir: Pizza?

Zim: No, Gir. The contest! I can use my hypnotized Earth-slaves to put on a show worthy of me! My Tallest will be so amazed that they'll have to give me this prize! Yes! And then no Irken will deny the amazingness of Zim!

_There is a cough, and Zim turns around to see the shadowy figure, who turns out to be (surprise, surprise) Dib. Zim grins evilly._

Zim: Ah, it seems my first hypno-slave has come to me...

_Dib is confused for a second, but he regains his composure and plays along._

Dib: Yes... master...

_Zim chuckles._

Zim: Finally, my worst enemy is under my control... I have great plans for you! Uh... you must go... do stuff! Do stuff for Zim!

Dib: 'Do stuff'?

Zim: What, slave?

Dib: Erm... yes, master... Your wish is my command...

Zim: That's better! Now tend to this _stuff,_ for I have amazing things to prepare!

_Dib walks off, and the camera fades to the next scene, in the yard by Dib's house._

Dib: Whatever it is, this contest must be really important... I must find a way to keep Zim from winning! I'll have to figure out how to beat him at his own game!

_Fade out._


	3. Broadwaynia

_Fade in on a cityscape on the planet Broadwaynia; as could be expected, it looks very showy. A trio of Irken soldiers (with sailor hats on) runs towards the cameras._

**Broadwaynia** (http://www.broadwaymidi.com/down/OnTheTown-NewYorkNewYork02.mid)  
Irkens: Our parts in this show are really kinda meager,  
But, nonetheless, we're keen,  
Enthusiastic, and even sort of eager  
To come and set the scene!

Without further ado,  
Before we bid adieu,  
We'll tell you:  
Welcome to...

Broadwaynia, planet of great renown!  
For musical stuff, this place takes the crown!  
Whenever you're here, you never can frown!  
Broadwaynia, planet of great renown!

Broadwaynia, planet of great renown!  
For musical stuff, this place takes the crown!  
Whenever you're here, you never can frown!  
Irken 1: Broadwaynia...  
Irken 2: Broadwaynia...  
Irken 3: Broadwaynia...  
Planet of great renown!

_The scene shifts to a theater; the building is empty except for five Irkens, who are practicing. The Irkens incluse a quartet of seasoned performers (Klee, Bur, Bee, and Buz) and Tak. Tak appears none too pleased to be there._

**Lives Spent Entertaining** (http://www.broadwaymidi.com/down/Showboat-LifeOnTheWickedStage.mid)  
Quartet: There is no job quite so draining  
As one where you're entertaining.

For low pay,  
We must play  
Everyday.  
Yet we stay!

We have hurt our throats from singing.  
Our dances leave our feet stinging.

But we know  
We can't stop,  
For our show  
Would then flop!

Though some do not like our work  
Or even see our jobs as vital,  
We would never try to shirk  
Our task of making a recital!

Buz: Though some see our job as merely pleasure,  
A good show is a great treasure  
Which requires lots of hard work, tears, and sweat!

Bee: It is worth it just to watch the crowd react to your piece of art.  
When it plays around,  
Your impact stays around!  
You've touched the crowd's heart.

Bur: I can't name a single job that's greater,  
Even that of an Invader!  
Lives spent entertaing are ones lived without regret!

Tak: I can't swallow this nonsense you feed me,  
And I hope that someday you will heed me.  
This life can't be  
The best one for me!  
I must invade!

Klee: Just give it a chance;  
You'll learn to love this life!  
Learn to sing and dance  
Without this pain and strife.  
And you'll realize this is the life for you...  
It's true!

Bur: Don't dwell on your fate;  
You must learn to move on.  
You can't change your state,  
For that chance is now gone.  
Stop your whining and join us;  
Don't make a fuss!  
Try to accept it!

Tak: This assignment is a bore;  
It's not the job that I was made for.  
Entertaining is a chore;  
I should have become an Invader!

When I'm able to leave this job behind,  
I'll get what I should be assigned!  
If I stay around this place, I'll be filled with regret!

Quartet: You should really learn not to fret...

_The quartet dances around Tak until the music is interrupted by some rather loud piano playing._

Tak: Where is that noise coming from?

Bur: That's just Skad.

Klee: He's a composer!

Bee: He just got here, and now he's working on a show for us.

Buz: He's really talented!

Klee: Yeah... and really rich, too! It's too bad he's so short...

Bur: ...and ugly.

Bee: Aw, poor Skad. You shouldn't say that!

Bur: When the shoe fits...

Tak: Well, not that I wouldn't like to listen to your _fascinating_ conversation, but I should be getting something to eat...

_Tak walks out of the room, going in the direction of the music._

Bur: I don't know how much longer I can stand her grousing...

Klee: Maybe she'll adjust.

Bur: I hope you're right...

_The camera cuts to Tak, who is nearing the door to Skad's studio. The piano music is growing louder._

Tak: If I can only convince this clown to give me a big part in the show, then I'll make enough money to leave this bloody assignment. I'll finally get another shot at impressing the Tallest and becoming an Invader!

_She knocked on the door, and the piano playing stopped._

Voice: Just a second...

Tak: That voice... Where have I heard it before?

_The door opened, revealing Skoodge. While Tak was in a state of shock, Skoodge looked quite happy to see her._

Tak: Invader Skoodge? You're supposed to be dead!

Skoodge: Uh, why don't you come inside? I'll explain everything.

_Fade out._


	4. Skoodge's Secret

_Fade in on the interior of Skoodge's studio. Skoodge is grinning from ear to ear, or at least he would be if Irkens had ears._

Skoodge: You look taller than you did at the Academy... and the purple in your eyes...

_Tak gives an annoyed look and snaps at Skoodge._

Tak: That's not important! I don't want to hear about my eyes, I want to know what you are doing here, of all places! The Tallest said you were dead!

Skoodge: Yes, but you don't know the full story. Here's what happened...

_From out of nowhere, a spotlight falls on Skoodge._

**They Gave Me Money** (http://www.broadwaymidi.com/down/42ndStreet-WereInTheMoney.mid)  
Skoodge: Though I don't know why,  
The Tallest did try  
To get me to abandon my Invader post!

With plans smart and sly,  
They sent me to die,  
But they could never ensure I became a ghost!

So they worked out a deal  
To appeal  
To me!

If I went undercover,  
Then they would give me  
A handsome fee!

They gave me money!  
They gave me money!  
For they sold  
Me gold  
To hold!  
Millions I've grossed!

_Skoodge dances around and encourages Tak to join in; she reluctantly does so._

They gave me money!  
They gave me money!  
They paid me off so that I'd take an alibi!

They gave me money!  
It's kinda funny,  
They made me rich so that they could get me to lie!

The Tallest gave me more dough;  
Now my cash flow  
Is great!

They paid me lots so I'd go,  
And, so, on that date,  
I took the bait!  
On that date, I took the bait!  
On that date, I took the bait!

They gave me money!  
They gave me money!  
In a flash,  
My stash  
Of cash...  
In a flash,  
My stash  
Of cash  
Reached... reached... reached... reached to the sky!

Tak: But why... Broadwaynia? Are you exiled here, or did you actually _choose_ to be on this miserable planet?

Skoodge: I could go anywhere where there weren't many soldiers to recognize me, but it was always my secret dream to be a composer...

Tak (flatly): How lovely...

Skoodge: But enough about me...

_Tak grimaces slightly. Fortunately for her, Skoodge is interrupted by a commotion going on outside. Tak runs to the window, and Skoodge follows her._

Voice: Extra! Extra! Tallest announce Empire-wide talent competition on Broadwaynia! Winner promised great reward! Read all about it!

_They leave the window._

Tak: Finally... a chance to please the Tallest...

_She looks at Skoodge and sighs._

Tak: ...if you could help write songs for me.

Skoodge (excitedly): Yes, of course! Anything for you, Tak! I can see it all now... 

_As he begins to explain, the camera fades out._


	5. Rehearsal of the HypnoSlaves

_Fade in on Zim's lab. Zim is sitting on a platform and lording over his new hypno-slaves; he is holding a control device in his hands. The aforementioned hypno-slaves are awaiting Zim's orders, and Gir is dancing around with a moose doll._

Zim: My devoted hypno-slaves, it is time that you followed my commands to make a performance worthy of Zim! Are you ready?

_The hypno-slaves nod in a dazed manner. Zim presses a button, and music begins to play. The chorus of hypno-slaves follows Zim's spoken directions and dances along with the music._

**Zim is Our Master** (http://www.broadwaymidi.com/down/CL-01OpeningIHopeIGetIt.mid)  
_Note: The following sequence is sort of difficult to follow; try to bear with me. I've tried to provide guidance where things are difficult to follow. Zim's initial instructions last from 0:00 to 0:24 on the MIDI._

Zim: Alright...Step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch...  
Again... Step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch...  
Again... Step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch...  
Again... Step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch...  
Yes! That connects with turn, turn out  
In touch, step, step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch...

_The chorus repeats the dance (0:25 to 0:47), and Zim continues with his spoken instructions._

Perfect! Now you turn, turn, touch down,  
Back step, kneel down, bow, bow, bow!  
Right, now do it once more, with feeling!  
Show me how much you love Zim!  
From the top! A-five, six, seven, eight!

_The chorus does a dance (from about 0:57 to 1:47). Zim comes down to speak to the chorus (1:47 to 2:12)._

Zim: Keep up the good work, slaves! Show how truly superior the choreographic might of Zim is!

Gir: Choreographic...

Zim: There is no doubt my hypno-slaves will put on the best performance, for I am Zim! I will rule this contest with my amazing dances!

Gir: Huh?

Zim: I'll win and stuff.

Gir: Oh yeah...

_The chorus dances again._

Chorus: Yes, Zim is our master! Zim is our master!  
Chorus 1: We are the hypno-slaves of Zim!  
Chorus 2: We are the hypno-slaves of Zim!

Chorus: Our old lives had been a complete disaster,  
Chorus 1: But now we hap'ly follow him!  
Chorus 2: But now we hap'ly follow...

Chorus: Zim is so amazing! Yes, so amazing!  
We'll cater to his ev'ry need;  
His ev'ry command we will heed!  
We'll cater to his ev'ry...

Zim: Slaves, I am pleased with you,  
For, in your stage debut,  
You will give me my due!

_The hypno-slaves start dancing in a ballet routine in which they lavish gifts upon Zim (this lasts until 5:06). Gir tries taking some of the gifts, but goes away when Zim glares at him. He tries copying some of the dance moves, but just ends up getting dizzy._

Chorus: Zim's a great Invader! A great Invader!  
Chorus 1: He can control our minds with ease!  
Chorus 2: He can control our minds with...

Chorus: There's nobody greater! Nobody greater!  
The planet Earth he's sure to seize!  
For him, all conquest is a breeze!  
He'll take the continents and...

_Zim abruptly stops the music._

Zim: No! No! It's not 'the planet Earth he's sure to seize', it's 'he'll have the planet on its knees'! How can I show how _amazing_ I am when you hypno-beasts can't learn the right lyrics to glorify me with?

_The hypno-slaves give blank stares._

Zim: Whatever. Now, get in the ship; we must get to Broadwaynia early enough so we can prepare before the show!

_The hypno-slaves enter a large Irken ship._

Zim: Hmmm... something's wrong. Where is the Dib-creature?

Gir: I dunno...

Zim: But did I not enslave him with my mighty machine? He must still be doing 'stuff'. Oh well, it's probably better that he's not performing with the rest of them. His freakishly deformed head would distract from the glory of Zim!

Muffled voice: My head's not big!

Zim: What was that? Did you hear something?

Muffled voice: Uh, no?

Zim: Oh, okay. Well, Gir, let us prepare to unleash choreographic doom on Broadwaynia!

Gir: Yay! Can I dance, too?

Zim: No, Gir. You will have to control the hypno-device while I'm onstage.

Gir: Aww, but I wanted to do the turkey dance!

Zim: You can do the turkey dance when we get back home, Gir. Now, on to Broadwaynia!

_Zim and Gir enter the ship, which takes off. After it is gone, Dib emerges from the shadows. Fade out._


	6. Of Pizza and Spaceships

_Fade in on Dib's living room; several of the non-hypnotised kids are there, including Gaz, Keef, Gretchen, Dirge, Melvin, Poonchy, The Letter M, and Torque._

Dib: I bet you're wondering why I brought you all here...

Poonchy: I thought you said there was gonna be pizza!

Dib: The pizza should be coming... but that's not important right now. I'm sure you're all wondering why there have been so many disappearances...

Poonchy: Where's our stinkin' pizza?

Dib: Enough about the pizza, already! I mean, don't you think it's weird that they had to get a substitute for Ms. Bitters?

_The group stares blankly at Dib. A few shrug._

Keef: Um, maybe she got sick...

Dib: This is _Ms. Bitters_ we're talking about... she hasn't had a sick day in decades!

Torque: So?

Dib: Don't you see? This isn't a coincidence! All these disappearances...

The Letter M: Is this one of your crazy alien theories? I don't want to hear about how you saw Martians in the park or something!

Dib: Um... I wasn't going to say anything about aliens.

The Letter M: Then what is it?

Dib: Well, um...

_Fortunately for Dib, the doorbell rings. Dib and Gaz go to the door. There is a tired-looking pizza guy. Gaz immediately grabs the pizza boxes._

Pizza Guy: Uh, um, sorry we're late and stuff... half our... uh... staff didn't come to... work, or something. Here's a coupon!

_Gaz slams the door and takes a slice of pizza. The group of kids crowds around the pizza boxes and begins to devour the food._

Poonchy: Hey! This pizza's cold!

Dib: What did I tell you? Half of the workers in the pizza place are missing! This can only mean...

Torque: Uh, there's a cold going around?

Dib: This is bigger than colds, much bigger. Zim...

The Letter M: Zim? I knew this was going to be about some stupid alien story...

Dib: No, there's a perfectly good explanation that has _nothing_ to do with aliens...

Dirge: Or zombies?

Dib: Or zombies...

Melvin: Or bigfeet?

Dib: Or bigfeet...

The Letter M: Yeah, sure. What is it, then?

Dib: Um... you see... Zim... in some non-alien way, hypno... corece... erm, bribed people to leave town until... until we, uh, beat him at this... contest-thingy.

Gaz: Contest-thingy?

Dib: You know what I mean! He said we were too, um, puny and weak to beat him.

_Torque chomped down on his cold pizza._

Torque: Who's he callin' weak?!

Dib: Um... okay. Anyway, unless we band together and win, he won't release the people he... bribed.

Gaz: This sounds stupid!

Keef: What contest is it?

Dib: It's an, erm... talent show.

_With the exception of Keef, the kids do not look pleased._

The Letter M: There's no way I'm gonna embarass myself because of some crazy Dib theory!

Dib: It's not cra... I mean, go ahead, but you'll be sorry when Zim has hyp... when you'll have to eat cold pizza for the rest of your life!

Poonchy: Cold pizza? No!

The Letter M: Relax. You know he's lying.

Dib: Do you want to risk it?

**Cold Pizza on Your Plate ** (http://www.broadwaymidi.com/down/MyFairLady-JustYouWait.mid)  
Dib: Just try to think of what might be in store:  
You'll want hot pizza, but it will be no more!  
For, if what I say is valid,  
You should just get used to salad!  
You'll regret that you'd chosen to ignore!

Imagine what will happen if I'm right;  
You will make a call for pizza in the night,  
But you won't get a warm sliver,  
For there's no one to deliver!  
You'll be stuck with cold pizza on your plate!

No more hot pizza...  
You'll make do with food that's gotten kinda cold!  
No more hot pizza...  
You'll be lucky if it's not covered in mold!

You will be certain to brood  
When there is no more good food!  
You'll be stuck with cold pizza,  
You'll be stuck with cold pizza,  
On your plate!

_The kids stare forlornly at their cold pizzas. There are a few moments of stunned silence. Dib grins victoriously._

Dib: Gaz, let's go downstairs and ask dad if we can borrow his spacesh... er, van. We have a contest to get to!

_Dib and Gaz exit the room. They begin walking downstairs to the lab._

Gaz: Why do you have to talk?

Dib: Listen Gaz, here's what's _really_ going on... Zim has some sort of hypno-ray, and he used it to control the minds of all the missing people! They're on the way to planet Broadwaynia right now to perform some terrible, horrifying musical spectacle! And I have to... I mean _we_ have to make sure he loses! And we have to get everyone in their right minds so that things can get back to normal!

Gaz: If you're lying about the pizza thing, you will pay!

_They enter the lab. Professor Membrane turns around to see his kids._

Prof. M: Well, hello children. What are you two doing here?

Dib: Can we borrow your spaceship?

Prof. M: Sure. You kids have fun! Wait a second, this doesn't have anything to do with your 'parascience,' does it?

Dib: Erm, no...

**Route 'Er Out Through Outer Space** (http://www.broadwaymidi.com/down/42ndStreet-ShuffleOffToBuffalo.mid)  
Dib: I just want to try and take the spaceship  
On a joyride;  
On a thrilling, fun, and exciting trip,  
Where I will glide  
Past planets and quasars,  
Suns, comets, moons, and stars...  
With that, I will be satisfied...

I will act as a space pilot  
And fly the ship for a while; it  
Will soon leave this place.  
Then I'm gonna route 'er,  
Route 'er out through outer space.

I will see each solar system.  
How could anyone resist 'em?  
Through them I will race,  
If you let me route 'er,  
Route 'er out through outer space.

Prof. M: Will you try to act in compliance  
With the request that I will set  
To use the ship for _real_ science,  
And your insane theories forget?

Dib: I will do the things I ought to;  
Everything that's simply not true  
I will not embrace.  
Just please let me route 'er,  
Route 'er out through outer space.

If that ship you'll simply loan me,  
Any theory that is phony  
My mind will erase.  
As soon as I route 'er,  
Route 'er out through outer space.

Think of knowledge I'll be earning,  
And true science I'll be learning;  
The truth I will face.  
I won't be a doubter  
Once I visit outer space.

Because if aliens aren't real,  
I'll never find a piece of proof.  
For me, they will lose their appeal,  
And I will then embrace the truth!

It's a dream of ev'ry human  
To be in a spaceship zoomin'  
At a speedy pace.  
Dad, please let me route 'er,  
Route 'er out through outer space.

Prof. M: Well, since you put it in verse, how could I say no? Have fun, kids!

Dib: Gaz, you get the others! I'll bring the ship up front!

Gaz: This had better be worth it...

_Fade out._


	7. Something Strange About You

_Fade in on the theater in Broadwaynia, where Skoodge, Tak, Klee, Bur, Bee, and Buz are beginning a rehearsal._

Skoodge: I'm sure you all have heard all about the contest. Well, I think we can enter our current show, but we will have to make a few changes. I will be expanding the central role to suit a performer who I think is both talented and dedicated...

_The members of the quartet look quite thrilled; their eyes widen._

Skoodge: ...Tak.

Quartet: What!?

Bur: Skad, how could you pick her? She's never even been in a show before!

Trio: Yeah!

_Skoodge grins nervously and blushes._

Skoodge: Well, I think she would do a great job in the part...

_Skoodge looks over at Tak and smiles; Tak is annoyed by this. Bur notices the reactions and grins deviously._

Bur: Well, you must be right. Don't you think the four of us should go away to the practice room and work on our parts for the second chorus?

Skoodge: Good idea! I'll probably have to coach Tak on her extra lines...

_The four begin to leave, and Bur leans over to Skoodge._

Bur (whispering): I think she likes you...

_Tak and Bur glare at each other before the quartet walks off. Skoodge gets behind a piano._

Skoodge: You know, Tak, I've been meaning to tell you something...

Tak (annoyed): What do you want?

**There's Something Strange About You** (http://www.broadwaymidi.com/down/CrazyForYou-EmbraceableYou01.mid)  
Skoodge: Though I have seen quite a lot,  
When I used to invade,  
Nothing that I found had caught  
My eye. I stayed

Lonely and quite remorseful.  
But I fin'lly found you.  
My heart was very forceful;  
I could not subdue  
The strong feelings that I first felt when I saw you.  
Listen, here's what I mean...

Can't you see?  
There's something strange about you  
That makes me  
Want to change my life anew.

I saw all my dreams  
When I first looked at your face  
And saw how it gleams  
With style, beauty, and grace!

I can't stop  
Being attracted to you.  
I can't drop  
Being distracted by you.

Tell me that you feel the same,  
I must hear, yes, I must hear it's true!  
There's something strange about you.

_Tak walks out of Skoodge's earshot._

Tak (aside): It's quite clear,  
There's something strange about you.  
And I fear,  
That that won't change about you.

Just one look at you  
And I can't help but react.  
I will bid adieu  
Once I can finish this act.

For you are  
Not someone I'd want to see.  
It's bizarre  
That you're so taken with me.

But I need your assistance,  
And must stand you till my scheme is through.  
There's something strange about you.

Skoodge: What was that?

_Tak goes back._

Tak: I agree,  
There's something strange about you.  
Skoodge: And I plea,  
Your heart won't change, but stays true.

I can't help but sigh  
At your wonderful mystique.  
Tak: I cannot deny  
That you are really 'unique'.

Both: Understand,  
You have a special appeal.  
Skoodge: It's so grand!  
You really are my ideal.

Both: I need your special something  
To achieve the goals that I pursue.  
There's something strange about you.

_Fade to the exterior of Skoodge's studio later that night; Tak and Skoodge are standing in front of the door._

Skoodge: ...and so that's when I stopped drinking soda.

Tak: Thrilling.

Skoodge: You know, I've never told anyone that story before! You're really special, Tak.

Tak: Likewise... Now, if you will excuse me, I must be going. I have all those lines to go over...

Skoodge: Do you need more help?

Tak: No! No... I mean, I need to go over them myself. Goodnight, Skoodge.

Skoodge: Are you sure you...

Tak: Yes, I am quite sure. Now, _goodnight_!

_Tak walks off as quickly as she can. Skoodge sighs dreamily._

Skoodge: Goodnight, Tak! Wow, what an amazing Irken...

_Fade out._


	8. Stop Singin' That Refrain

_Fade in on Zim's control room; Zim is acting as pilot, while Gir is the navigator. _

Zim: Okay, Gir. Where does your navigation chip say we should go next? Gir? Are you listening to me? What are you doing?!

**Stop Singin' That Refrain** (http://www.broadwaymidi.com/down/SinginInTheRain-SinginInTheRain.mid)  
Gir: Doomy, doom, doom, doomy...  
Doomy, doom, doomy doomy...  
Doomy, doom, doom, doomy...  
Doomy, doom, doomy doomy...

_Gir continues singing throughout the song._

Zim: Stop singin' that refrain.  
You're driving me insane!  
Please listen to your master;  
You're being a pain.

I'm sick of your song  
And need my quiet;  
Gir, that's my order,  
And you can't defy it!

Your song's one I abhor,  
And so hard to ignore;  
I hate that refrain  
And can't stand it much more!

I'd like to complain  
So from songs you'll abstain.  
Stop singin',  
Stop singin' that refrain.

_Gir starts dancing around the ship, and Zim chases him in an unsuccessful effort to get him to settle down. Gir swings around poles, splashes in puddles of oil, and generally makes a mess of things._

Zim: That song is so inane!  
Let me try to explain:  
Your song is so mind-numbing,  
It causes me pain.

I want you to quit,  
Now you must do it!  
Gir, listen to Zim;  
To my order submit!

And I'm willing to chase  
You all over the place  
Just so you will stop;  
Your song is a disgrace!

I'd like to complain  
So from songs you'll abstain.  
Stop singin',  
Stop singin' that refrain.

_Dib's ship flies past; Dib and the other passengers are not visible._

Gir: Hi ship!

Zim: Now that you've stopped your song, I want you to navigate this ship. To Broadwaynia!

Gir: Whee!

_Gir points in the direction Dib's ship is going, and Zim pilots his ship behind Dib's. Fade out._


	9. She'll Show Her Value at Any Price

_Fade in on the theater in Broadwaynia. Skoodge is directing Tak and the quartet from behind the piano as he plays a tune. The five performers begin to dance on stage._

**Welcome to Our Performance** (http://www.broadwaymidi.com/down/MeetMeInStLouis-TrolleySong.mid)  
Group: Welcome to our performance!  
Welcome to our revue!  
We'll show you a performance  
That is wonderous, thrilling, and new!

We'll deploy all our cunning;  
We'll employ what we know!  
You'll enjoy our work's outcome;  
We are sure that you'll love our new show!

So just sit back and watch us dance,  
For our performances are certain to entrance!  
If you just stay, you will be thrilled!  
Your expectations will certainly be fulfilled!

You'll adore what awaits you!  
What's in store should be great!  
It won't bore, we assure you...

As we sing ev'ry tune,  
We'll ensure that quite soon  
You'll have fun!

Now that we have begun,  
Our own act will be second to none!  
And no one  
Will then shun  
Our great play!  
So let's start right away!

Skoodge: Well, uh, that was good, but there's still something wrong...

Bur: Isn't it obvious? Tak keeps getting behind in her steps!

Klee: I'm sorry, Mr. Skad, sir, but it's true...

Buz: It's not her fault. She's just not used to these routines...

Tak: I don't have to put up with this insubordination! None of you even went to the Acad... 

Bur: The Academy? If I have to hear one more word about...

Skoodge: Um... why don't we break for lunch?

Klee: That sounds good... all this dancing is making me hungry!

_The quartet, minus Bur, goes offstage rather quickly. Before leaving, Bur approaches Tak. _

Bur (softly): I've worked hard to get this far, and I'm not going to let some arrogant newcomer like you mess up this show!

_Bur storms off before Tak can give a retort. Skoodge walks across the room to Tak._

Skoodge: Don't listen to them, Tak. You may be going up there a beginner, but you're going to come back a star!

Tak: Whatever. I'm going to go to the spaceport to see if any of the competition has come yet.

Skoodge: Good idea! I'll go with you!

Tak: I need to... do some chores first.

Skoodge: I guess I'll meet you there, then. See you later, Tak!

_Tak and Skoodge walk out of the theater. Fade in on Tak, who is near the building's exterior._

Tak: I don't know how much more of this nonsense I can take...

**I'll Show My Value At Any Price** (http://www.broadwaymidi.com/down/AnAmericanInParis-StairwayToParadise.mid)  
Tak: It's so humbling  
When your job consists of dancing and tumbling,  
But soon I'll be able to stop my grumbling.  
I'll use this job so that I will  
Soon get my mission!

If it's played  
Correctly, I'll ensure that this job will aid  
In showing the Tallest that I should invade!  
Before too long I shall fulfill  
My grand ambition!

And hopefully this will suffice  
To please the Tallest and entice  
Them to give me  
The job that I need!  
They will let me succeed!

I'll show my value at any price;  
No one will get in my way!  
I'll follow any plan I devise,  
Just so I'll invade someday!

I'll get a share,  
Of the great invading task!  
They're   
Certainly going to ask

Me to invade when my plan entice-  
-s them to see my way!

I'll show my value at any price;  
No one will get in my way!  
I'll follow any plan I devise,  
Just so I'll invade someday!

I'll get a share,  
Of the great invading task!  
They're   
Certainly going to ask

Me to invade when my plan entice-  
-s them to see my way!

Tak: Now, I must study the competition if I am to defeat them and please the Tallest!

_Tak runs off to the spaceport. Fade out._


	10. In the Spaceport

_Fade in on the spaceport. Dib's ship lands, and an inspector comes up. Dib, wearing a pitiful disguise, nervously steps out. The disguise almost immediately falls apart._

Inspector: Where is the pilot of this ship?

Dib: Um... that would be me.

Inspector: I'm sorry, but only Irkens and certified alien slaves are allowed to enter Broadwaynia. I will have to dismantle this ship and put you all on the next flight to the Holding Pen Planet. Have a nice...

Dib: But.. wait! We _are_ Irkens! This is... an elaborate costume for our act!

Inspector: Your act?

Dib: Yes... uh, Human Hysterics, performed by the, er, Non-Human-Just-Well-Disguised-Irken Players.

Inspector: Okay...

Dib: It's an, erm, novelty act.

_The inspector pulls an x-ray device from a box. Dib gulps._

Inspector: Well, just let me double-check with this x-ray device and...

_However, before the inspector can turn on the device, Zim's ship crashes into the port, causing chaos in the immediate area. The inspector abruptly drops the device, which breaks apart. A fanfare begins to play from out of nowhere. Zim leaps out of the ship._

**Zim's Entrance** (http://www.niehs.nih.gov/kids/midi/76trombones.mid or http://www.broadwaymidi.com/down/MusicMan-SeventySixTrombones01.mid)  
Zim: Ev'ryone praise and hail me, Invader Zim!  
I'll put on the best show that you've ever seen!  
I'll be sure to win lots of raves  
With help from my human slaves!  
My skill will make all of you turn green!

Random voice: But we're already green!

Zim: Silence!

Zim: Evr'yone praise and hail my ability!  
My show will leave all of yours in the dust!  
I am certain I will amaze  
And I'll win the Tallest's praise;  
That's the only outcome that is just!

They'll be sure to love my hypno-slaves' great dance routines  
When they go  
Make a show  
Worthy of my fame!  
All will be amazed at their amazing scenes,  
With each scene praising my worthy name!

I have hypnotized each human on the planet Earth  
To behave  
Like my slave;  
That's what I deserve!  
They will do what I have planned  
And follow my ev'ry command,  
For their only purpose is to serve!

_Gir, with a cane in hand, leads the dancing hypno-slaves out of the ship. They do a short dance routine around the port._

Hypno-Slaves: Ev'ryone praise and hail the amazing Zim!  
We know he's the best Invader anywhere!  
We will always praise his greatness  
And we'll always try to stress  
That Zim is beyond all compare!  


Zim: Excellent, my hypno-slaves! Now...

_Zim spots Dib with the inspector, and runs over to them._

Zim: What are _you_ doing here?

Dib: ...Stuff?

Zim: You do not fool Zim! Arrest this human!

Inspector: Um, he says he's an Irken in disguise...

Zim: The filthy human lies!

Dib: But didn't you say that you hypnotized all the humans?

_A bunch of Irkens start to look at the group. Zim looks a bit nervous._

Zim: Wha? I mean, yes! Yes, I did hypnotize all of the humans! I guess your disguise is pretty good if it can almost fool me! Ha ha!

Inspector: Well, I guess you've proven yourself. Bye now!

_The inspector walks away, and Zim leans over to Dib._

Zim (whispering): This isn't over, Dib. I will look forward to your humiliating defeat!

_Zim walks off to another part of the port, with Gir and the hypno-slaves following him. Dib goes inside the spaceship, where Gaz and the other kids are asleep._

Dib: We're here! Now, we have to find a place to stay before the contest!

_The kids wake up. Some of them look out the window._

Poonchy: Hey! Look at the aliens!

The Letter M: Those are aliens... I guess Dib was right and stuff.

_Dib grins._

Dib: Now, do you have anything to say...?

_The Letter M shrugs._

Torque: I wonder if there's something to eat around here!

_All of the kids except Dib follow Torque out of the ship._

Dib: I always hoped vindication would leave me feeling more... vindicated. Oh well...

_Fade out._


	11. Skoodge, Gullible Skoodge

_Zim, followed by Gir and the hypno-slaves, is walking confidently through the spaceport while quietly singing the previous tune. He carelessly bumps into Tak._

Tak: Hey, watch where you're going, you big... _Zim_? What are you doing here? Get back to your silly little mission; I'm not going to let you wreck my life another time!

_Zim seems not to even notice Tak's presence, and continues singing to himself._

Zim: Ev'ryone praise and hail... uh, la de da...

Tak: Listen to me, Zim!

Gir: Yay! It's the evil weenie girl!

Zim: Wha? Oh, Tak. Didn't you disappear into space or something?

Tak: I was rescued by an Irken Blaster Unit shortly after you left.

_Zim shrugs. Gir hugs Tak, who shoos him away; he goes and hugs the hypno-slaves instead. _

Zim: Oh.

Tak: But that's not important! Now, go back home; I don't want you to destroy my last chance to please the Tallest!

Zim: Ha! So you admit that you will never beat me!

Tak: Why, you...

Zim: Never! For I am Zim!

Tak: You idiotic little...

Zim: And Zim is always _amazing_!

_Skoodge runs towards Tak and Zim._

Skoodge: There you are, Tak! I was looking all over for you! I'm glad I... Zim! What brings you to Broadwaynia?

Zim: Oh, I'm just about to amaze you all with my show! I'll leave everyone else's pitiful shows in the dust! Especially hers.

Skoodge: I don't know, Zim. Tak and I have a pretty impressive show planned.

Zim: You and... _Tak_?! Have you gone mad? She tried to destroy my mission!

Skoodge: You don't understand how wonderful she is...

_Tak groans and begins to walk away._

Tak: I don't have to listen to any more of this!

Skoodge: Bye, Tak!

_Skoodge sighs. Music begins to play in the background._

**Skoodge, Gullible Skoodge** (http://www.broadwaymidi.com/down/Oliver-FoodGloriousFood01.mid)  
Skoodge: Tak's the one who I adore;  
She has caused my heart to soar!  
And, for her, I have created  
An impressive little play  
That will blow the rest away!  
Our victory's good as fated!

There's not a way that our play won't dismay all the acts which will come after us!  
Our love will see us through, and our play will accrue lots of praise that is only for us! Oh...

Zim: Skoodge, gullible Skoodge!  
How could you believe her?  
Stop playing the stooge;  
Tak's just a deceiver!

Just try to open your eyes!  
Simply investigate  
And discover all her lies  
Before too late!

Skoodge, gullible Skoodge!  
You're making a mistake!  
For I can tell you  
That Tak is a big fake!

Leave while you still have the chance!  
Try to take refuge!  
Oh, Skoodge, credulous Skoodge,  
Ignorant Skoodge,  
Gullible Skoodge!

Skoodge, gullible Skoodge!  
Skoodge: Don't give me any flack!  
You won't change my mood...ge!  
I am staying with Tak!

She is what I dream about!  
Her beauty makes me sigh,  
So happy, I seem about  
Six feet high!

Zim: Skoodge, gullible Skoodge!  
It's just a delusion!  
If you stopped to think,  
You'd reach this conclusion!

You'll come to regret this soon  
Your error is huge!  
Yes, Skoodge, silly old Skoodge,  
Pathetic Skoodge,  
Pitiful Skoodge,  
Poor foolish Skoodge,  
Miserable Skoodge,  
Gullible Skoodge!

Skoodge: Uh, okay. Well, I have to go...

_Skoodge gets away as quickly as he can._

Zim: Gir!

_Gir runs up to Zim._

Gir: Look what I found!

_Gir shoves a squeak toy in Zim's face and squeaks it._

Zim: Not now, Gir. Minimoose!

_Minimoose floats over to Zim._

Gir: What's moosey doin' here?

Zim: He was with us the whole time. Yup. Anyway, it's seems our enemies have come to try and defeat Zim! While there's no way they could hope to equal my amazing... uh, amazingness, I want you two to watch them. Minimoose, you follow Tak.

_Minimoose squeaks and floats away._

Zim: Gir, you follow the Dib-creature.

Gir: Will I get a taquito?

Zim: Yes, yes... now _go_!

Gir: Okee dokey!

_As Gir runs off, Zim turns towards the hypno-slaves._

Zim: Now, let us create the most wonderful spectacle of doom this planet has ever seen!

_Zim cackles. Fade out._


	12. Minimoose's Scheme

_Minimoose is stealthily floating around the theater when he comes across Bur, who is backstage sitting on a stool and looking out the window. She sighs._

Bur: Gone, it's all gone...  


_Suddenly, the room is transformed, and looks like a nightclub (a la Chicago). Minimoose gives a confused squeak._

Announcer Voice: For her first number, Miss Bur would like to sing a song of bitterness and loathing...

**Skad's New Play** (www.broadwaymidi.com/down/Chicago-Nowadays.mid)  
Bur: It's wrong, isn't it?  
Cruel, isn't it?  
Harsh, isn't it?  
Sad, isn't it?  
Dumb, isn't it?  
Skad's new play

_The scene briefly switches back to reality when Minimoose squeaks and Bur looks over at him, but the room changes back after that._

Bur: That Tak had to come  
Amateur bum!  
She got the plum  
Role; it's so dumb!  
What makes me glum?  
Skad's new play

_The scene switches back again. Bur looks over at Minimoose._

Bur: Can you believe it? This wannabe Invader waltzes in, and now all us experienced performers are stuck supporting her! I thought that Skad's crush would make her uncomfortable enough to quit, but it's not working out at all.

_Minimoose squeaks sympathetically. The scene switches back to the nightclub._

Bur: You can work as long as you want  
Just to give yourself a name  
But some amateur will walk in  
And steal all your fame!

And that's...  
Wrong, isn't it?  
Cruel, isn't it?  
Harsh, isn't it?  
Sad, isn't it?  
Dumb, isn't it?  
But, anyway...

Though my career is through,  
There's nothing I can do  
So I will stay in  
Skad's new play!

_The scene switches to reality._

Bur: What's the use of complaining? It's hopeless...

_Minimoose squeaks._

Bur: What did you say?

_Minimoose squeaks again._

Bur: Hey, that's not a bad idea. Not bad at all...

_The scene switches again._

Bur: It's wrong, isn't it?  
Cruel, isn't it?  
Harsh, isn't it?  
Sad, isn't it?  
Dumb, isn't it?  
Skad's new play

Bur: But that will change soon!  
One afternoon  
She'll change her tune!  
T'will be a boon;  
I'll get to croon  
In the play!

Bur: I'll sabotauge the performance  
So I'll have to take the lead!  
Tak will then get her just desserts;  
I'll finally succeed!

And that's...  
Good, isn't it?  
Grand, isn't it?  
Great, isn't it?  
Swell, isn't it?  
Fun, isn't it?  
But, anyway...

I will do what I can  
To formulate a plan  
So I'll take over  
Skad's new play!

_The scene switches back to reality again. Bur approaches Minimoose._

Bur: You wouldn't mind helping me, would you? For some reason, I feel I can turst you.

_Minimoose squeaks._

Bur: Great! I'll meet you here after the rehearsal.

_Bur runs off, and Minimoose squeaks evilly. Fade out._


End file.
